im amazed at the fact that you always find me in this spot. and the fact that you always know when to walk away. i did cut off all forms of communication, in a way it was involuntary but in more ways than one, i would have to say it was voluntary. nonetheless, when i picked up the phone one sunday afternoon amidst the chaotic bookstores, your voice still sounds the same, with a sing-song tune that tells me the person on the other end of the line is smiling such a sweet smile because he is very happy to hear my voice once again.

after i hung up the phone, i am reminded of your mom. her sunny disposition and how warmly she welcomed me when we met last year. she loves to talk about everything under the sun and is very generous. she told me stories about you and your childhood, how hardworking and responsible you are. she told me you were also fond of dogs and then she handed me the box you sent me but went back since i purposely gave you the wrong address. she told me and my mom more stories about you, your brother and sisters. she is a graceful woman and her laughter is contagious. i fell in love with your mom. caught myself wishing that whoever i'd end up with will have a mother like her, who will welcome me warmly into their family and treat me as if im her own daughter. for a while i even thought that i just might have her as my own mother-in-law. but alas, you can not teach one's heart. mine has its own stupid way of betraying me. but once again im flattered. thanks for making me feel how a woman should feel about herself - special. and thanks for dedicating this song to me:

TeLL mE wHeRe iT hUrTs

Why is that sad look in your eyes
Why are you crying?
Tell me now, tell me now
Tell me why you're feelin' this way
I hate to see you so down, oh baby!

Is it your heart
Oh, that's breakin' all in pieces
Makin' you cry
And makin' you feel blue
Is there anythin' that I can do

CHORUS:
Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make those tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts
Now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

Where are all those tears coming from
Why are they falling?
somebody, somebody, somebody left your heart in the cold
You just need somebody to hold on, baby
Give me a chance
To put back all the pieces
Take hold of your heart
Make it just like new
There's so many things that I can do

Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me baby
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me
And I'll do my best to make it better
Yes, I'll do my best to make the tears all go away
Just tell me where it hurts
Now, tell me
And I love you with a love so tender
Oh, and if you let me stay
I'll love all of the hurt away

soliloquy I

stop looking at the door, no one's coming back
your waiting will prove to be in vain
throw away those dreams of cuddling a son and
hearing him laugh
those dreams are rubbish

you've been hurt through and through
so mark the road you've walked upon
with the person who shattered you into pieces
and made you feel unworthy so many times
do not make the mistake of turning that way again

go back to the old you, the old life that
you knew
forget him and unclutter your life

waaaaahhhhh!!!! i need to go home now coz i need to go back here later at 9pm for a conference call!!!! aside from the fact that i only have one rest day for this week. i hope i could find someone to go with me to malate later after the conference call, since i told liz ill be attending her despedida party. hopefully bob can tag along with me since he was inviting me to watch a gay contest tonight at the same place.

i just hope my the ptos (paid time off) i've filed will be approved. am so burned out! i really need a break.

oh well will go home now and take care of my little baby (coffee) who got sick last night.

toxic... toxic... toxic...

tapos one day off lang ako!!! GRRRR!!! di pa ko pinayagan mag paid time off. hay naku im seriously considering hehe... hmmm something.

oh well you guys have a great weekend! hopefull by next week i can post something more sensible.

it was father's day yesterday! i used to be a true-blue daddy's girl when i was still young. my dad is very patient with me - he walks me to school every morning, tells me stories before i go to sleep and saves me from my mom's wide variety of 'pamalo'. when my mom left us (i was 7yrs old then), my dad raised me up and my little brother. so then everytime i'd get sick, instead of calling my mom, mostly on days when i'm delirious with fever, it's my dad who im calling. but then i went through a rebellion phase and started to keep secrets from my dad. that's when he started snooping on my diaries which got me so mad i didn't talk to him for a week. and somehow we just drifted apart. it wasn't tantamount to a loud bang when you closed the door, it was a very silent one, that i didn't notice that the special kind of relationship i had with my dad was already gone. but i'm praying that God will restore it in His time and im trying my best to not take my father forgranted.

yesterday i woke up at around 7am, just had breakfast, took a bath and then i took off. first stop was at dangwa. i bought my dad flowers, if i can give someone so undeserving a boquet of flowers, i figured i can do better with my dad. after that i bought an 8x12 chocolate cake at Goldilocks, where i had them write: "Happy Father's Day Daddy!". I also threw in a card where i thanked my dad for putting up with me since i was born.

it was almost lunch time when i got home. daddy cooked 'nilagang baboy'. after feasting on it and the cake for desert, we went to a mall there in Kalookan and watched Batman Begins. i texted my agent Faye telling her that i'm finally watching it, she highly recommended the movie to me, said there's a lot of good quotes. told her im aint watching it in the big screen as it will only remind me of someone best forgotten. when i sent her the text message, i said that i got myself a date to finally watch it, i have 3 boys with me for a date, my dad, my brother and my cousin - Ace. she texted back saying: "wow dami mo palang boyz eh! hehe keep smiling mother!" and yeah her reply certainly made me smile. after the movie i kissed my dad goodbye, which i rarely rarely do. and he just smiled and said: "mag-ingat ka." i turned around right away as i felt tears starting to well up in my eyes.

well i guess that's all for the updates, in the mean time, im off to the parlor. yup you read that right, im gonna have a haircut!

been pretty busy as of the last few days. anyhow, got to chat with a good friend who got crashed and burned for more than a couple of times in his 29 years of existence. i asked him how he's doing and if he and the girl are still communicating, said yes. i asked him whether its good or bad and he said he doesn't know. i was about to go back to checking the quality of my agent's emails, but then i decided to give him a piece of advise, told him that i know its hard but he should try not to think so much about it. he mocked me then asked me how am i doing. told him that im okay, for some reasons i could not fathom, i'm surprisingly okay. he questioned my choice of word - surprising. i then told him how pathetic i used to be, don't ask me to go into details as its shamefully pathetic. anyhow, he said he admires my strength, told him i probably just got tired. he asked me to have coffee sometime, i said ill try if im not busy.

on the brighter side of things, God made me smile yesterday. Was praying the other night telling him how lovesick I am. then yesterday, He gave 2 chocolates that i really like, forgot what its called but its a cadbury chocolates. He gave it to me through one of my agents, Jelai. Then last night i was telling Him that I wanted to have a cell group. And just this morning, i found out that one of my former agents - Majo (who was suppose to turn over her resignation letter already), who's also a christian and one of my closest friends in this program, will no longer resign and she's been praying for the same thing. *happy*

i am praying for an agent i don't even know but im praying anyway. im praying that justice be given to her, that whoever did that to her gets what he rightfully deserves. i am praying that she surpasses this and that the possibility of her conceiving is not true. she doesn't deserve it.

When I wake up each morning
Trying to find myself
And if I m ever the least unsure
I always remind myself
Though you re someone in this world
That i'll always choose to love
From now on you re only someone
That I used to love

As for me
It s getting down to the last
Unspoken part
When you must begin to ease
The pain of a broken heart
Tell me why should I even care
If I have to lose your love
From now on you re only someone
That I used to love

I wish it was enough for you
All the love I had to give
And I did my best
To keep you satisfied
I guess you ll never know
How much I tried
I really tried

And if ever our paths
Should cross again
Well, you won t find me
Being the one to get lost again
Once I had so much to give
But you just refused my love
From now on you re only someone
That I used to love

And I did my best
To keep you satisfied
I guess you ll never know
How much I tried
I really tried
When I wake up each morning
Trying to find myself
And if I m ever the least unsure
I always remind myself
Though you re someone in this world
That i'll always choose to love
From now on you re only someone
That I used to love
From now on you re only someone
That I used to love

Though you re someone in this world
That i'll always choose to love
From now on you re only someone
That I used to love
From now on you re only someone
That I used to love...

just being girly and all, am posting a picture of one of my big time crushes. *winks* hehe

to all of you haldir fans out there like me, go ahead and salivate. hehe