::bRoKe

im flat dead broke, bills, bills and more more bills to pay. hay naku lang pano ko kaya maaayos ang finances ko. e2 nga lang blog template ko di ko alam pano ko aayusin eh. huhuhu.

im having problems with my left contact lens, perhaps i need to have it boiled already. moreso, i need to replace it already, its going to be 2 years already come january of next year. hay sana makuha ko na back pay ko sa etel, josme dami ko talaga bayarin.

i went to etel yesterday to get my spiff money and the copy of my clearance. grabe lang prior to going to etel nagbabad na naman kami sa digicafe. hay loves ko mga teammates ko kaya lang naman po juice ko day! kung gumimik ang mga eto, parang walang ng bukas! buti na lang nung gumimik sila last week ata di ko sumama. imagine they met up 9pm at greenbelt1. they had dinner then watched an artfilm which ended around 1:30am already. right after that they went to digicafe to hang out. they went to starbucks mga 6 o 5 ata. they just hang out again at starbucks to wait for the malls to open coz red wants to buy a pair of pants, and finally they had lunch at fridays. i called peng around 3pm to ask her what happened to their gimik, i thought she just woke up. apparently i was very wrong coz she just got home and is just performing her ablutions prior to going to bed. o di ba! grabe!!!

well enjoy naman when we hang out at digicafe. after our training graduation (our shift ends at 5am) peng, mikki, jeff and miles went to digicafe already. i waited for babe to arrive (his shift starts at 7am) so i can give him his baon (food) at the same time i was waiting for red and ahyee (my supervisor, also gay and came from epldt) coz both of them are still not done with the things that they need to accomplish at that time. anyways, we arrived at digicafe around 7. they were already playing billiards then, i didnt volunteered to join them, just watched in the sidelines coz i really dont know how to play that sports.

finally we moved on to doing something i really really enjoy. walang tao sa videoke room. its like a mini bar, there are around 6 - 8 tables and instead of a tv its a widescreen projector. buti na lang walang tao, shempre concert galore kami. we even danced the swing. mikki is a good dancer, he dances the swing and reggae. o di ba?! asar talo tuloy sya kung bading din sya. hehehe in fairness may asawa't anak ang loko kaya lang nga eh hiwalay sila. super enjoy talaga. kulit ng mga tao. at in fairness record breaking napakanta namin si red!!!! hehehe si peng corny eh one liner lang.

anyways, for some more good news, chiqui is my teammate!!!! yehey sobrang saya ko nung isang gabi nung malaman ko. talagang hinabol ko pa si chiqui sa elevator to tell her and hug her. pramis saya talaga, at least kahit di ko medyo type ung program ko, im with chiqui, jeff and peng!!!

i picked up babe yesterday....=) we had a great time. he accompanied me to quiapo where i went to an optical shop. nung una dapat bibili lang ako ng solution para sa contact lens ko. eh since di ko na mapapaboil ung contacts ko dahil nga sa friday pa ung next time na magboboil sila, at hirap na hirap na ko kasi ung pag suot ko ung contacts ko ung left foggy parati. nagpagawa na ko ng eyeglasses. buti na lang 50% off, kaya lang mahal pa din kasi ultra thin ung lenses ko. shempre card charged na naman eto dhil wala na ko datung. pero in fairness ganda nung glasses ko kasi may kasama na syang shades ung may magnet. and since baby is also complaining of having a headaches whenever he's usign the computer, i asked him na magpa refrac na din. apparently he has astigmatism. ung isang mata nya may grado na, 75 ata. so nagpagawa na din sya ng eyeglasses. josme hirap talaga pag lalake no, mahal ng mga gamit. mga more than 1k ata ung iminahal ng eyeglasses nya sa kin.

right now dito ko sa malapit sa uste, kasi hinatid ko sa work kanina si babe, tapos since 10am pa pwde kunin eyeglasses ko stay muna ko dito to blog. at sana maayos ko din template ko kahit suntok sa buwan un. hehehe

till bloggy!!!

::ToM jOneS

waaaahhh!!!! tom jones na ko!!! just got home from my shift...

sorry carmi ha di ko pa din nabibigay ung mga commands para ma-modify mo ung blog mo. anyways, one time send ko sa yo. btw, may friend ako actually teammate na gusto maging "friend" ka. (^_^) hehehe send ko email nya sa yo.

sige peeps, dito na baby ko eh! (^_^) byers....

after barely an hour... josme lang ha inis ang blogger.com!!! naiba 2loy ung template ko!!! hirap ayusin ha. grrr!!! anyways.... i just wanna greet a close friend of mine a happy birthday!!!

hAppY biRThdAy MaLou!!!!

waaah suko na ko sa pag edit ng blog na to!!! tsaka na lang at sobra ha di na kaya ng powers ko!!!!

::hAppY

i havent been blogging for a long time now, well perhaps most you are aware why. but now that everything is okay already between me and my baby, then i should be able to blog in pretty much a regular basis, although i doubt it if it would be as often as everyday. most likely twice or thrice a week. honestly, there was a time when i thought of deleting my blog and forgetting about the whole thing. but then again, i realized what for???

anyway, so much for non-sense talks. let me just tell you that i am really happy with my new company. i have a lot of new friends and im having fun with the training and all. when i started out with etel, i thought that nothing would ever compare to my training team - jeffeRsOn, but i was wrong, team bOsToN couldnt be better. the whole class may not be really bonded, you know what i mean there will always be outcasts but still the whole group is great. you can sit with anyone and you wont be left out, except perhaps if you're "kia". hey that's a code they came up for that know it all black bitch. so much for bashing her.

i have a new kada in my team, i am closest to peng, she is my yosi bestfriend, an artfilm maniac, red (our trainer, who happens to be part of our click also) fondly calls her mtrcb girl. i swear i am so unfamiliar with the movies that she watches! jeff, a "bi" is also fond of artfilms and when he and peng would start reviewing those art films i swear i am totally left out! then there's mikki, he is from infonxx and is a native of bacolod. he is a dad already but is separated, his kid is in bacolod. then theres jaypes, he's from baguio, quite the silent type, also a dad, kid is a year old. but he already proposed to the mom. good thing! then of course theres red, the ever sophisticated and not to mention intimidating trainor (im not sure if that's trainor or trainer) of our class. actually he was also our trainor from etel, solaris acct. speaking of that gay, i remember he hit on my butt with his book this morning!!!

well i still have a lot of stories about work but i guess that will do for now, at least you guys will know who i am talking about. btw, last night red, peng, mikki and i went to chef and brewers at gb1 and had dinner there. its fantabulous! they have a smoking area, so if you guys are looking for somewhere to eat in makati where there's an airconditioned smoking area, its the place to go.

you might be wondering why im still up, well im waiting for the bank to open coz i need to settle my credit card due. talk about bills!!!

that would be all for now peeps! enjoy the weekend. =)

::sUnDaY

im having difficulty accessing my blog. well anyways, hope you guys have fun on your weekend. as for me i still have one night to go and after tonight that's the time i have my weekend.

::sOmeThiNg wOndeRfuL

we were able to patch things up. Aug 12, 2003 we both decided to give it another shot. this time living in the "now" and not in the past.

just yesterday, i was sleeping in his arms, you know that state when you are half asleep and half awake. i felt him kiss me on the forehead and he said "i love you". i forgot all about it when i woke up coz i am so much in a hurry to go to work as my shift is 9pm. i only remembered it when i got here and it just melts my heart.

sPeciAL MeSSagEs:

to all my friends who comforted me at the time i was loneliest, thank you so much. i love you all. some of you may not be in favor of our reconciliation, please dont pass judgement just know that i am very happy now. and to my other friends who are friends of coocoo as well, thanks for taking care of my baby at the time that i hurted him so much.

baBy: i am so sorry for hurting you and i hope you now know that you are my life... and i love you more than anything or anyone...

::sTruggLe

everyday is a struggle... excruciating...

::LoVing & LoSiNg

"i shall go on seeking lost faces and loves,
sadly more aware that i shall lose them all again." ---Ofelia Dimalanta

i have loved and lost. and today which should've been the most important day in my life (but i've made stupid mistakes to make the most important person in my life who's supposed to share this day with me walk away from my life, for good), turned out to be the most depressing day becoz i am alone. i tried several times to ask for forgiveness but i guess it's entirely irreconcileable. yesterday i was able to manage not to text him or call him the whole day. good thing i do have auds for company. we met up at chinabank in the morning as i have closed my savings account, you call that pathetic. yup i dont have money anymore. after that we went to starbucks at glorietta. then we went to rustans to look at some stuffs that she wants to buy. lunchtime we went to their place. it was his dad who picked us up at glorietta. we just have to take care of some stuffs then we went to alabang already. we were at the town center from 4pm - 7:30pm. the whole time i was pestering auds with my "coocoo babble". if i were in her shoes i would be totally pissed off by then. once in a while we would talk of something else but then later on i would switch it back to coocoo, my feelings about him, why he is too hard, a lot of questions thats still bothering me right now. at one point auds said she remembered a song that is soooo meant for me at this time. i forgot about the first one coz the second song she sang, well actually she just sang one line of the song, really made me cry. it says:

"who's loving my baby now?"

all of a sudden i found myself bursting into tears. im just so scared of the future especially when he finds himself a new girlfriend, i know id really breakdown when i learn of it. i'd be really hurt when that time comes.

i got home past 10 already. and all the while i've been arguing with myself about calling him or texting him. he is over me, he doesnt even care about where i am or what i do, so why the hell am i still going gaga over him, why cant i just move on with my life? i hate and pity myself at the same time. a small part of me wants to move on already and let him go. the bigger part of me wants him back. and i am afraid coz everyday that part is being reduced and more and more the part that wants to go ahead and move on is taking over me. i know its a good sign. but then i feel that the only thing that i have of him is my pain. i wanted so much to hold on to him that even if i should hold on to the pain would be okay for me. i know its pathetic but then is exactly what i feel right now. here is one song that i know most of you know....

LET THE PAIN REMAIN

love comes, love goes,
but a sudden feeling never lets me be
somehow, i know,
quite a part of me isn't changed since you've been gone
like a sturdy tree thats seen a thousand seasons
i've to shed my leaves in winter
and grow them back in spring
to welcome life again
to welcome you

so goes, my life
still beleive in dreams of having you around
too bad, memories feed the mind and not the heart
where i want you to be,
so i ask myself what you've left behind for me
to go on each day and live as if
i have you once again
what else is there that's real
but all the pain that i feel,

chorus:
so let the pain remain
forever in my heart
for every throb it brings is one more moment
spent with you,
i let the pain, bring on the rain
if that's the only way
if there's no other way
to be with you again

too bad memories, feed the mind and not the heart
where i want you to be
so i ask myself what you've left behind for me
to go on each day
and live as if i have you once again
what else is there that's real
but all the pain that i feel
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

tomorrow its going to be exactly a week since we broke up. our relationship lasted 2 yrs 11 mos and 25 days. i guess it really is a cycle. love really hurts. i wanted to say happy anniversary, but i am alone. the words resound in the coldness of my heart.

now i must teach myself to walk alone in the crowd coz he wont be there to hold my hand. when i ride the bus or go to a movie house, i have to hug myself coz there wont be anyone to pull me close and keep me warm. when i am having a really bad day and i am at my wits ends, i just have to count from 1-10, coz no one will tell me "babe okay lang un, nandito naman ako eh". when i receive a text message it would not be from him just as when the phone rings its not gonna be him. when i walk in the rain there wont be anyone to hold the umbrella for me and pull me close so i can stay warm, i will be alone.