::maNy ThanKs

last night to my surprise tumawag si coocoo. medyo bwiset, kala nya ako ung prankster na tumatawag sa kanya kagabi na di sumasagot tapos pag sya nakakakuha ng call eh, humihinga lang daw. pramis mamatay man ako di ako un. tapos nung una nauwi pa din sa sumbatan, angilan hanggang sa nagsubside na din. nung una sabi ko sa kanya na di ko kaya na makipagpansinan sa kanya kasi mahirap naman talaga di ba. kaya lang ang sabi nya ako pa daw ang nagmamalaki. eventually naisip ko na siguro nga dapat matutunan ko maging civil sa kanya di ko naman sya pwedeng iwasan all the time.

lahat ng tao sa paligid ko binibigyan ako ng pag-asa. ansarap pakinggan ng mga sinasabi nila. pero ako din ang magsa-suffer pag pinakinggan ko. medyo okay na kami kagabi. sabi nya sana daw mabalik ung dati naming friendship bago pa kami naging mag-on. mahirap ata un pero sige subukan na lang natin kung kaya ko, para at least kung sa tingin man nya di ko naging mabuting gf kahit good friendship man lang maibigay ko sa kanya. sabi nya wag na daw akong magintay, ayaw na daw talaga nya. siguro tama ngang hanapin ko na lang kapalaran ko somewhere outside the philippines. sana makakita kagad ako ng work somewhere outside the philippines. kahapon umalis bestfriend ni auds, si charlene, pumunta na ng states. sabi ko sa text iba-bye na lang nya ko at kung sakaling kailangan ni charlene ng katulong, labandera o personal alalay oks lang sa kin. hehe pathetic talaga no?

ung mga sinulat ko kahapon alam ko mostly mga hindi magandang nagawa ni coocoo. just want to make things fair. sakaling binabasa mo to coocoo (asa pa ko alam ko namang malabo un) eto ung sagot sa lagi mong tinatanong sa kin, na kung ano mga bagay na maganda na ginawa mo. sorry kung late na ha.

nung pinapunta kita sa bahay para magdinner for the first time. di mo lang alam sobrang it means a lot to me. na kahit bumabagyo, baha sa nyo, may sakit ka at magagalit ang mommy mo tumuloy ka pa din. kahit na di naman masarap ung dinner na hinain ko sa yo, magulo ko magexplain ng directions (kaya ata walang direksyon buhay ko eh) napagastos ka ng sobrang mahal para sa taxi, naglakad ka dahil mali binabaan mo --- tumuloy ka pa din.

nung nagparty sa org room mga jcba officers dahil birthday ni alfa, di ka sumama. you chose to have quality time with me.

hindi ka na lagi makapagbilyar nun dhil sa kin, kasi lagi akong nakabuntot sa yo. pathetic ko talaga. siguro hiyang hiya ka na nun dhil feeling mo sinasabi mga tao ng bantay sarado ka ng gf mo, pero walang anuman sa yo un. hindi mo ko tinataboy pag sumasama ko at di ka nahihiya.

nung nagpunta kami sa batangas para gumawa ng feasib. di ka sumama kasi ayaw ko dahil ayoko pa malaman ng mga tao na tayo na. pero ilang beses ka naglong distance para lang makausap ako at matanong kung kamusta na ako at maayos ba lagay namin, kung safe ba kami at may progress na ung ginagawa namin.

nung bago naging tayo at bago ka nagtapat, nung retreat nyo ng mga officers, talagang pinilit mo kuya louie mo na bilhan ka ng telepono dahil sabi mo di mo kaya 3 araw na di mo ko makakausap. sobrang it means a lot to me. na ngayon alam ko kahit ata ilang buwan tayo di mag-usap okay na lang sa yo.

nung bumalik ka the first time (jan 2001) kahit alam ko na sakal na sakal ka sa kin. pero bumalik ka pa din. khit na nagiging butt of jokes na tayo ng mga fellow officers mo. bumalik ka pa din.

ung maganda mong pakikitungo sa mga kaanak ko. kahit na dati medyo di ka at ease sa mommy ko pinakita mo sa kin na kaya mo pakisamahan mommy ko at eventually nga mas mahal ka na ng nanay ko kesa sa kin.

nung nagswimming kayo sa antipolo at tumawag ka para lang sabihin na naayos mo na ung issue kay alfa, na sabi nya gusto nya kong imbitahin sa birthday nya, pero hindi nagpaka childish ako at inaway kita hanggang sa magbreak down ka sa harap ng mga kaibigan mo. hindi ko sinasagot mga tawag mo, at dumating sa point na gusto mo na bumaba ng antipolo at pumunta sa bhay ng mommy para amuin lang ako.

nung the very next day pumunta ka sa bhay ng mommy at kahit sobrang aga pa ata nung umalis ka sa antipolo naghanap ka ng kahit anong mabibili para lang ibigay sa kin. oo naaalala ko pa na binigyan mo ko ng suman nun. =)

nung halos matanggal ka sa trabaho dahil din sa kin. dahil kinukulit kita kung kelan nila ko tatawagan, at dahil wala akong work nun ang alam ko lang gawin eh bulabugin ka maya't maya. at dahil nga nag-away tayo ng sobrang tagal dahil sa kakulitan ko at sa sobrang pagka childish ko, sobrang napagalitan ka ng supervisor mo to the point na kinausap ka pa ng director. sobrang ngayon ko lang naiisip na sobrang dami mo ginawa para sa kin coocoo. alam ko wala ng magagawa tong pagsasabi ko sa yo nitong mga bagay na to pero gusto ko pa ding malaman mo.

nung college tayo at pumunta ka sa first contest ko sa toastmaster, kahit na ilang na ilang ka pala sa mga tao dun. kahit na after nung contest naging photographer ka lang. pero u stayed and u even helped me with my piece. thursday ata un. tapos nung monday of that week sinamahan mo pa ko sa may malapit sa masagana para lang silipin kung sino ung makakalaban ko at kung ano type of speeches na meron sa category na sinalihan ko.

nung sinundo mo ko sa terminal nung galing kami batangas for the feasib. na sobrang laki at sobrang bigat ng bag ko na parang isang taon na kong maglalayas sa min sa laki. sinundo mo ko kahit alam ko madami kang ginagawa dahil nga sa posisyon mo sa jcba. tapos hinatid mo ko sa bahay at tapos nung araw din na un pumunta tayo sa bulacan kina kuya chucut and ate lala para mapakilala mo ko sa knila. gabi na tayo nakauwi nun dahil mahaba ung byahe at nagpupuno pa ung mga van. kahit pwde ka na bumaba sa r.papa hinatid mo pa din ako di ba. kahit na pang umaga tayo pareho, at alam mo na dahil late ka na makakauwi, tyak na late ka na din magigising.

nung pumunta tayo sa corregidor. it was so much fun travelling with you and going exploring new places with you. kahit na tayo lang dalawa umalis nakita ko masaya ka din. alam ko gusto mo pag mga ganung trip marami tayo kasama para mas masaya, pero nakita ko na kahit tayo dalawa lang nag enjoy ka pa din. khit na kailangan nating gumising ng sobrang aga para lang dun at kahit na clueless ako san ung terminal ng ferryboat di ka pa din nainis at nasira araw natin pareho, which is most likely the case kung nabaliktad ung sitwasyon.

nung hinahatid mo ko sa rcbc tower kahit na sobrang gabi na at kahit na alam ko na di ka ganun ka kumportable sa mga kasama ko dun.

nung tinulungan mo ko mapasok sa parlance dahil kakilala ng ate mo ung hr head. dahil gusto mo makasama mo ko at gusto mo magkawork ako. at nung nandun na tayo u were so proud of me, kahit nga sila guiennie at tina sinasabi na pinagmamalaki mo ko. tapos dahil ung isa mong ka batch mate reminds me so much of alfa sabi ko sa yo layuan mo sya. at ginawa mo naman. tapos kinaibigan mo lahat ng teammates ko pero di ko naman nirereciprocate ung efforts mo.

nung sinamahan mo ko bisitahin si jayjay kahit na alam ko di mo masyado trip ung mga hayop. pero sinamahan mo pa din ako at napagastos ka pa nga.

nung unang birthday ko na kaw ang boyfriend ko, kinapalan mo muka mo na manghingi sa mommy mo ng pera para lang maibili mo ko ng gift.

nung nawalan ako ng work dahil lang sa pag absent ko at sa pagpunta ko sa contest ko sa toastmasters, di mo ko ni-nag which would be the exact scenario kung sakaling baliktad ung sitwasyon.

nung di ka nagpunta sa puerto galera dhil ayoko kahit na P500 lang ang kailangan mong daling pera dahil gagastusin ng mga officers ung kinita sa grad ball. pero di ka sumama dahil ayaw ko.

nung sinabi ko na ayoko na kausapin mo mga kaibigan mo, dahil destructive sila sa ting 2. ginawa mo at di ka na nga sumasagot sa mga txt nila. kung meron ka mang sinasagot eh ung mga tao lang nga gusto kong kausapin mo. grabe no para akong si hitler.

nung nasa parlance tayo at nagaway tayo ng grabe, pagdating ko sa nyo after ng shift ko sinurprise mo ko. nagluto ka ng breakfast for me. sobrang memorable sa kin un.

nung nasa parlance din tayo at nagaya team ko ng videoke, sumama ka kahit na alam ko na di ka mage-enjoy sa ganung klase ng lakad. kahit alam ko na di un ang mga trip mo.

nung wala ka pang tulog dahil graveyard shift ka pero after nun tumuloy ka pa sa vista verde para lang tumulong mag-ayos ng mga gamit nila carmi at sumama maghatid sa kanila sa airport. alam ko 36 hours kang gising non, pero walang kaso sa yo un, okay lang basta lang kasama mo ko.

nung college tayo ikaw gumawa ng business plan ko di ba. na kahit alam kong tapos ka na sa business plan mo nagpuyat ka pa din para tapusin ung sa kin at ako natulog na. sorry ha selfish talaga ko.

nung binigyan mo ko ng jacket na maong kasi alam mo matagal ko ng gusto un. anghirap ng ginawa mo nun kasi kaw lang bumili at kailangan mong tantyahin ung size ko.

nung binili mo ko ng clay mud. kahit alam ko na marami kang pagkakagastusan. pati ung time na binili mo ko ng sandals kasi gustong gusto ko ung fit sa kin nung sandals pero ung pera ko may pinaglalaanan na. sobrang gusto mong wag kong i-deprive ung sarili ko kaw ung bumili.

nung binigay mo sa kin ung rubbershoes na mickey mouse na galing sa ate mo na hinihingi din ng kaibigan mo na si hyden. pero sa kin mo binigay.

nung kinaibigan mo ung team ko, pati nga tl ko di ba kasundo mo. pati ung mga training teammates ko - jeffies, pinakibagayan mo. pero ako mayron lang akong ka-training teammate mo na kaibigan mo na sobrang naaartehan ako galit na ko sa yo dahil kaibigan mo sya at hiningi ko din sa yong wag mo syang samahan.

nung tinuruan mo kong gumawa ng email address hehe sensya ka na jurassic ako eh. na kahit ata hiyang hiya ka na at sobrang jurassic ng gf mo eh pinagtyagaan mo pa din ako at kahit na sa lahat ata ng bagay eh mahirap ako turuan. oo di ba naubos nga powers mo sa kin pagdating sa pag22ro ng bilyar.

nung nsa icite tayo at naghihintay tayo ng shuttle, un ung nalipat ka na ng training team at kami naman tapos na sa foundation trng, sinurprise mo ko dahil binigyan mo ko ng necklace na panggimik.

nung pinupuntahan mo ko sa philamlife tower nung nasa ps pa ko at nag-aaral ka pa sa niit. kahit na alam kong naaalangan ka kasi naka casuals ka lang pumupunta ka pa din.

yung mga panahong lagi mo kong iniintay dahil late ako (kelan ba ko maaga?), start pa nga lang natin pinagintay na kita ng mtgal eh. remember nung birthday ni rhia aug 2, 2000 second day pa lang natin un, at mahigit 2 oras ata kita pinagintay sa wendys. tapos madaling araw na natapos at hinatid mo pa din ako kahit na andun na lang ung bahay mo. at maraming marami pang time na late ako pero di ka nagagalit. pero pag ako 5 mins ka lang late nakasimangot na ko.

yung mga time na kahit pagod na pagod ka na sa work (navitaire days) eh pumupunta ka pa din sa min dahil gusto ko magsleep over ka sa min.

yung mga time na di ka naggive up sa kin, kahit na linggo linggo na lang nagaaway tayo 2. at kahit na lagi kang humahagulgol para lang mapaintindi mo sa kin ung point mo at dun lang kita aaamuin.

yung mga time na aalis ka pero pinagpapaalam mo pa sa kin. salamat sa respeto. pero ako sobrang short noticed ung mga paalam ko sa yo to the point na meron ka na palang planong lakad for us pero meron na kong ibang balak.

thanks for everything coocoo. sa lahat ng mga tinuro mo sa kin. may be God is humbling me down at kaya gusto nya makita ko lahat ng ginawa mo para sa kin. marami ka pang mga magandang ginawa na ngayon ko lang nare-realize kasi nun puro sarili ko lang iniintindi ko. kaya ngayon gusto siguro ni God na malaman ko na pag pinagpatuloy ko ung pagiging selfish lahat ng taong mahal ko mawawala sa kin. eto ngat tinaggal na nya sa kin ung pinaka importanteng tao sa kin. siguro gusto din ni god na malaman ko na di na sya ung focus ko, umikot kay coocoo ung mundo ko.

coocoo, thanks for loving me then despite the fact that i've been totally unloveable. sorry talaga sa lahat ng mga ginawa ko, sa pagtapak ko sa pagkalalaki mo, sa pagpilit kong baguhin ang pagkatao mo. sana matutunan mong patawarin un at sana nga maging magkaibigan pa tayo. ingat ka na lang.

::cLosEd dooRs

on the same day that i went to gb3 to meet up with ate shelyn and ate rizza, coocoo called, nagrecon kami. after meeting up with tenten and geri at megamall i went to binan to be with him.

wednesday - july 23 we went to the office-coocoo, auds, chiqui and i. tinapos namin ung clearance namin. coocoo left right after to go to sm manila to pick up his phone from semicon. i dont know pero parang wala ako sa wisyo nung araw na yon, di ko alam kung tinatamad ako o ano. para nga akong naglilihi eh, nung nandun sya, di ko sya pinapansin, tapos nung umalis na sya tinawagan ko sya sa cell para pabalikin at sumama sa min sa starbucks. gusto ko kasi kasama sya. all of a sudden naglalambing ako sa kanya.

thursday - july 24 tinapos ni coocoo ung clearance nya kasi may 2 tao pang di pumipirma. sabi ko sa house sya sleep. di daw pwde kasi madami syang daladala - ung laman ng pedestal nya. apparently when he got home he called asking me if i still want him to come over. sabi ko oo kasi miss ko na sya. so he did. dumating sya past siesta time. sila daddy nagsoli ng mga tapes sa video city. naiwan kami, si coocoo nagpalit ng pambahay while i checked kung may makakain. dun lang kami sa baba ksi mainit, nakinig lang kami saglit ng radio. after that he suggested na magbilyar kami. since medyo hapon na yon mga 4 o 5, naisipan ko na ding bumili na lang ng lechon manok sa andoks para di na din ako magluto. tapos idinaan na din namin sa mananahe ung bagong pants na binili ko sa binan para mapaputulan ko na mahaba eh (hirap ng maliit!). after that pumunta kami kay tita baby, where we played a few games of billiards. frustrated sya turuan ako maglaro nun eh, di ko alam kung hirap ako kasi maliit ako o di ko lang gusto ung sports na un. pero okay naman medyo maayos na ng konti ung tira ko. medyo diretso na daw.

after that, pumunta na kami sa video city. we borrowed 7 tapes: blade2, episode2, goldmember, sorority boys, the code & domestic disturbance (starring john travolta - guess it made perfect sense to you now coocoo). pagtapos namin don pumunta na kami sa andoks tapos bumili lang kami ng softdrinks, whammos cupcake for midnight snack. tapos umuwi na kami. pagdating sa house pinauna na kami nila daddy kumain. after that pinaghain ko lang sila daddy tapos umakyat na kami. naglaro sya ng game sa jurassic kong pc. tapos medyo inaantok na ko. finally nahiram na namin ung tv and vhs player kina daddy. so pinasok na namin sa room ko. he watched goldmember first, gusto ko din manood kasi mukhang nakakatawa sya kaya lang sobrang antok ko na to the max. naka2log ako at nung magising ako ulit nakita ko pinapanood nya ung blade2 na. we started kissing, kaso amoy yosi sya so i asked him to brush. antagal nya. naiiinip ako at eventually nainis ako. nagbanyo pa daw sya. siguro p.m.s. na din un kaya ako ganun. so in short we ended up not doing it, come on we're all adults here.

the next day, we ate breakfast. as usual i went out to buy breakfast, he requested for champorado. okay, since he likes eating it with cheese, i went to the market to buy ques-o his fave cheese brand. medyo mainit na ulo ko ksi di man kakapagod, mainit, tapos di nya ko sinamahan. pagdating sa house we ate sa room ko tapos namin manood ng 2 tapes - episode2 and sorority boys, nagpagupit si daddy and manuel. yes this time we did it. after that bumaba na ko to prepare lunch. apparently, nagligpit sya tapos binalik nya ung tv and vhs player sa kwarto nila daddy. pag-akyat ko ulit nakita ko na binuksan nya ung pc tapos maglalaro ata sya. i actually wanted him to help me out in cooking. kaso nabad trip ako dahil maglalaro sya. he went down medyo alam na nya na masama na timpla ko. di ko na sya pinatulong. actually maarte nga lang ako, naglinis naman sya ng kwarto eh. kaso i want him beside me. we ended up fighting, sumama loob nya, di na sya kumain at umuwi na sya. natulog ako konti at nakita ko narinig ko name na mark. tapos pagkagising ko nagpunta ko video city at tska ko nagblog kaya nga tormented sleep title nung previos entry.

naayos din that night. the next day we (daddy, manuel, me and elder manny) went to aberdeen court to attend a christian conference sponsored by kuya randy. dapat after that conference punta ko kina coocoo, kasi aalis daw mom nya punta baguio for 2 days, dun ako dapat ma22log. may rift kasi kami ng mom nya, kaya hindi ko makakilos ng maayos pag nandun mom nya. but then he texted me sabi nya na wag na daw ako pumunta dun dahil di daw aalis mom nya at nandun lahat ng angkan nya. so di na ko nagpunta. tapos pagdating ko sa house nanood ako ng vhs ung natira. wla sila daddy pumunta ng cubao after. so ako lang mag-isa. while i was watching, nagriring pala ung phone, naka lowest kasi ung ringer eh. pagsagot ko si coocoo, galit. this is how the conversation went:

coocoo: sino kausap mo?
me: wala. nakasilent kasi ung ringer eh.
coocoo: ano ginagawa mo?
me: nanonood ng vhs.
coocoo: patayin mo.
so i switched it off. pagbalik ko...
me: bakit?
coocoo: sino si m?
natigilan ako. i'm doomed...
me: kelan mo nabasa?
coocoo: sino si m?
me: bakit?
coocoo: sino si m?
me: si mark.
then he hung up the phone...

i called him up to explain. pero wala talaga. ayaw na daw nya. galit sya, alam ko. i should know. it was the same pain i felt when i found out na more than one year na kami, blackrain804@yahoo.com (his email add) corresponds to alfa's birthday which is august 4. nung tinanong ko sya dati bkit 804, sabi nya wala lang daw. di okay lang sa kin nun. then when i asked him for his password coz i want to show his secret mpeg to ate amy, di nya binigay ung pw ksi daw malaki un, so ise-send na lang daw nya. contradicting di ba? pero sige okay lang. then when it dawned to me na 804 is alfa's birthday, i tried to open his email acct, true enough alfa ung pw. imagine araw2 nya tinatype un? para kong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. i confronted him.

then nung maayos na namin un, he admitted on going to alfa's despidida. para na naman akong binagsakan ng langit at lupa. di naman daw si alfa pinunta nya dun, kundi ung iba pa nya mga kaibigan. masama loob ko for a week pero i didn't call it quits. wala na kong magagawa dun. so i just asked him not to get in touch with the b.a. officers coz apparently hanggang ngayon im still the butt of their jokes. sabi nya di ko daw sya inintindi nung sinabi nya sa kin un, kasi daw dapat inintindi ko na si alfa kaibigan nya, nakilala nya bago pa naging kami. para daw sa taong konti lang ang kaibigan, importante sa kanya mga kaibigan nya. eh aalis na daw si alfa nun. yan ung sinabi nya nung sunday. sige mali ako dun, pero ang hiningi ko lang naman sa kanya nun eh time. most likely kung bumalik dito si alfa okay na sa kin, tska kahit mag-usap pa kami. kaso sa ginawa nya lalong lumalim ung galit ko dun sa tao. pero sige sa tingin nya mali pa din ako. pero hindi ko sya hiniwalayan dahil dun.

then, i opened his email acct. kasi bounce ng bounce ung sinesend ko sa kanya. chineck ko ung inbox dami pa nya di nababasa, so i checked the bulk mail, the trash and sent items. true enough may laman ung sent items, may isang message dun nakalagay sa subject line - "Hello". binuksan ko curious lang. this is how the message goes:

To: maijamora@yahoo.com
Message: hi my name is chris, you dont know me. i just saw ur face on ur face
pic site. i was literally blown away. i rarely find the kind of beauty that
drags me to do the things that i dont usually do.
im hoping we can chat and become friends.

i confronted him. nagalit sa kin. cant blame him, mali din ako. pero ang sa kin kasi ano ba naman nakukuha mo sa email, junk mails, forwarded, spam. unless may gusto ka talagang itago. sabi nya kung di ko daw pinakialaman un di ko malalaman. o di ba? galing, what i dont know wont hurt me. oo nga naman. pero sabi nya for fun lang daw un. geez! that's not my idea of fun! that's when mark came into the picture. i feel that i need to do something to avenge myself. sinubukan ko lang kung sasagot pa sya, kasi last thing i heard of him gusto na nya magresign from ps. sumagot sya tapos email email then he asked me to call him up. we were friends back then at people support. but i have this attraction to him so i cut it off back then. surprisingly, i still find him attractive. and the rest is recorded here di ba...

sabi nya iniisip ko si mark while doing it with him. di totoo un. prior to the time that i went to the pc rentals that friday night, napadaan ako ulit sa video city. again umuulan na naman ng vcd at vhs dun na may muka ni john travolta, kaya naalala ko na naman si mark. ayaw nya makinig. kasi daw niloko ko sya. ni hindi nga kami nagkita nun. i think it was more of a phase. back in fourth year college coocoo went thru that phase, kaya nga nandyan si alfa di ba. ang exact words na sinabi nya sa kin nun (january 2001) kung bakit sya nakikipagbreak is:

"i wanna check out other girls now, rather than do it when i am already married."

it was the same phase i went thru. but on my entry on july 22, i've already resolved to forget about mark. and that's the same thought on my july 25 entry. kung intensyon ko itago sa kanya un, sana pinalitan ko for the meantime ung url ko. o kaya di ko na talaga nilagay dito. eventually i planned to tell him, inintay ko lang matapos ung phase, coz i know at the end of the day, sya pa din ang mamahalin ko. pero naunahan nya ko. galit pa din sya hanggang ngayon. siguro nga niloko ko sya in one way or another. pero ang sa kin lang sana binigyan nya ko ng chance na maayos un. alam ko sinabi ko na din sa kanya dati un pero now more than ever i mean those words - that im going to make things right.

last sunday july 27 - nagpunta ko sa kanila para dalin ung shades nya, ung polo nya at ung pocket book na john grisham na bigay ko sa kanya. likewise para kunin ang kung anumang gamit ang meron pa ko sa kanila. i ended up begging him to take me back. lahat na ata ng pagmamakaawa at paglulumuhod ginawa ko na. pero ayaw na nya talaga. alam ko naman na ako ang mali. humihingi lang ako ng pagkakataon na maitama ko un. ngayon alam ko na na mahal na mahal ko talaga sya. pero siguro nga nasa huli ang pagsisisi. kailangan ko na lang talagang tanggapin na ganun talaga.

sabi nga ni carmi sa email nya sa kin, coocoo is a fine young man. totoo naman eh, he did everything to make things work between the 2 of us, kaso ako ung fault finder. he slips once in a while but its okay, tao lang naman sya. lagi nya sinasabi na naghahanap ako ng mali parati. di ko dine-deny un. mali ako dun. pero sobrang ina-appreciate ko ung ginawa nya na iniwan nya ung mga kaibigan nya para lang sa min. kahit wala na syang barkada okay lang sa kanya wag lang akong magalit. siguro nga dapat mas naging maluwag ako sa kanya.

last sunday i texted him asking him if he's already closing his doors. to which he answered:

"yes, i have. i'm tired."

i just need to accept things.

to coocoo:

alam ko malabong puntahan mo pa tong blog ko after what you've found out. but just in case i want to let you know, that i am really sorry for what i did. salamat sa lahat lahat ng tinuro mo sa kin, sa lahat ng sakripisyong ginawa mo para sa relasyon natin. sa pag-iwan mo sa mga kaibigan mo dahil sa kin, sa halos pagbabago mo sa sarili mo dahil sa kin. siguro natatawa ka na lang. alam ko wala ng magagawa tong pagso-sorry ko sa yo. but nevertheless i want you to know that this is probably the biggest mistake of my life.

itutuloy ko ung sa convergys, kahit na alam ko na sobrang mahihirapan ako. i know it would be easier for you. just hold on to the grudge that you have for me. i'm starting to look for opportunities abroad. it would be easier for the 2 of us kung aalis ako. malamang tapusin ko lang ung bond na 4 mos. after nun pag meron sigurong opportunity abroad, kukunin ko na.

ingatan mo na lang ung sarili. i love you babe.

from the song doors:

"what can i say besides i'm sorry.
what can i do to change ur mind.
what can i do to make tomorrow urs and mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i guess its time for me to close my doors as well.

::toRmeNteD sLeeP

i cannot shake him off my mind...darn it!!! but i have to live in reality not in an illusion.

::RaiNy dAyS

di kami pumunta sa office today as we (chiqui, auds, coocoo and me) have planned last week. this is to accomplish our clearance. anyways, the reason for that is obviously its raining. meron daw bagyo. although kung tutuusin di naman malakas ang ulan, malakas lang ung hangin. duh! dont remind me, naging satellite dish na nga ung payong ko eh. grrr!!! inis!!! anyways, i did not go to the gym last night. kasi naman kainis ung mga pc dun sa pc rentals malapit sa palengke eh. bobo to the max ung mga pc nila!!! kaya inulit ko tuloy i type ung entry ko kahapon. kainis talk about waste of time. at in fairness di lang pc nila ang tangengerks, pati mga attendants nila tanga!!! hay so much for that. ayoko na mainis ha.

so last night after blogging, i went to video city. hay sobrang boring sa house kaya ayun nagrent ako ng 4 vhs. pinanood ko na kaninang umaga ung 2 - tanging ina and radyo. last nyt while i was at video city, nakakita ko ng mga vhs and vcds na may muka ni john travolta. and i was again reminded of M. that guy has a striking resemblance to that actor. by the time i saw 2 vhs with travolta's face sabi ko pag isang beses pa kong nakakita ng vhs/vcd na nandun ung muka nung actor na un, it's a sign tatawagan ko sya. so apparently i stopped scanning the rocks coz it would seem na naghahanap talaga ko ng vcd/vhs starring that actor. although honestly medyo pa rin. di oks na nung nasa counter na ko, babayaran ko na, good grace! may guy sa unahan ko may nirent syang vcd na starring si john travolta.

so since i believe in signs i called him after i finished my nightly ablutions. i think the excitement is quite obvious in my voice. it was around 8:15? yup mga ganung tym. i just asked him about his interview and his day. he doesnt seem to be in the mood to talk and wala din naman akong maikwentong may sense. so i just said bye. he was trying to be polite by saying na okay lang pero i saw the sign. so i said goodbye already. from now on no more texting and calling. and i'll stick to that no matter what.

btw, hey i've changed tagboard already parang di na ata magagawa ung dekap.com eh. kaya ayan. hope magpost na kayo my friends!

hAppY biRthDay RuTh!!!

::meSSaGe ReCeiVed

got a message from harbie this morning. well to those of you who dont know harbie, she is my ex-bestfriend. and we have not talked for years and have not seen each other for years. all of a sudden i got a text message from her, just a cheezy forwarded quote on friendship. anyway, i pretended not to know who she is so i asked her. just wanna chek out her reaction. she did identify herself and the fancy thing is she even managed to include a smiley there. i said im sorry, thanked her for the text message and asked her to extend my regards to her fiance and her family. she said i sound too formal. i was appalled! was she expecting me to be perky and all??? how can she expect things to be fine and dandy between us after she left me in the dust? well, i just told her that its all i could bring myself to say for now. and she said she understood coz its not everyday that i get a text message from her. buti nga daw di ko na heart attack. told her i didnt get a heart attack just something closer to that. and if she did call me, baka dun na ko matuluyan. di na sya sumagot after that. hehe sarcastic pa din eh.

went out last friday with ate shelyn and ate rizza. its been more than a year since i last saw them. i miss them and the other toastmasters. well we met at gb3 food choices. had dinner and talked a lot. it was very nice to see them again. hope we can do that more often.

saturday, i went to megamall to have lunch with tenten and geri. grabe lang ha di ko nasarapan sa veggie pasta ng french baker. kung di lang ako diet! grrr!!! kainis nga eh 3 lang kami, di nakasama si joy, may class kasi and si cherry preggy so di talaga pwede. masaya naman kami kaya lang sobrang bitin. hay next time na nga lang kami babawi pag may money and may time.

back to my subject line for the day. well i feel that M is trying to distance himself from me. dunno but that's just how i feel. from the text messages that he is sending me. we actually did not go out today, as we have agreed last week. apparently he has an interview at ortigas at 2pm. well i asked him san sya nagapply sabi nya sabihin na lang daw nya next time pagsure na. then i wished him good luck tapos di na sya sumagot. may be i should leave it at that. but i'm not dense, may be im just chasing an illusion. be it so.

i just want to be happy with myself right now. anyway, got an email from carminda about zodiac employee profile. here goes mine....

Libra Employee Profile

========================

Libra employees are detailed, dedicated workers with sensitive natures.
Managers and co-workers sometimes find them difficult to get a handle on.
They pick up the energy of the office and are unable to prevent it from
affecting them. Loud noise, flashy colors, and discordant vibrations will
put them off so much that they will have difficulty fulfilling their
obligations at work.

One day they may seem like the most bright, hardworking, ambitious employee
around. The next day they might be down, irritated, and unable to produce.
Co-workers shouldn't fret when Libra employees are in a dark mood. It
really
won't last, as a happy state of mind can come over them just as quickly.
When Libra employees are in a balanced frame of mind, they can be a
powerful
presence at work they have a way of gracing everything they touch.
Underneath that mess of moo ds, they really are basically happy and stable
people. They are capable of profound logical thought and evaluate all sides
of a situation before acting. They are one of the most intelligent Signs
around.

They are expert researchers and mediators. And their sensitivity to their
environment makes them naturals at keeping things looking great. They will
easily help others resolve conflicts and can act as a go-between with
workers and management so that everyone ends up happy.

If you want to keep your Libran worker smiling, give them the respect they
are due and put them in a position where they can project their great charm
and diplomacy. They won't be CONTENT to take orders for very long, either
make sure they are given increased responsibility.

::OveR

it's official, coocoo and i are no longer an item. we broke up last night, actually early this morning, after a long phone talk, much shouting and hurting words we decided it's high time to end what we have. its 12 or 13 days short of our 3rd anniversary. i am sad becoz we shared a lot of things, we had so many firsts, we grew together in those 3 years but i guess we have to put an end to it right now coz we are both unhappy already. we can no longer communicate, he cannot understand whatever i am saying and likewise.

it is surprising though that not a tear fell from my eyes. masakit, knowing that someone really very special is walking away from your life, never to return in exactly the same way. we had a lot of good times and our share of tears. this is the best that we could do to save the friendship. i am not closing my doors, but i must say that i did hurt him so much.

talked to tito tony via msn messenger, and he asked me if it ever came to a point when coocoo is physically hurting me. i told him that it never came to that point. not ever. i told him that coocoo would never do that. he is a gentleman. i still have high regards for him. but i guess our differences are irreconcileable, or at least for now. may be will change.

i did bad man. i hurt him so much, i maligned his whole being. just this morning, i texted him, telling him that i am giving him his life back. i've been a control freak. i am not satisfied on how he is running his life so i nagged him day in and day out about what he needs to do, its more proper to say that i nagged him on what i feel he should do about his life.

hindi na nga healthy eh, sobrang nagsumbatan kami kagabi. nagpalitan ng masasakit na salita. hanggang dun na lang siguro muna. pagod na kami pareho. eh. we should learn to love ourselves again. for now i just have to think of myself. although i told him that we're still friends, pero masakit pa din daw ung mga sinabi ko sa kanya. i said im sorry.

all is said and done. only thing that i can do right now is to move on and pray that God will give us peace and the strength to carry on each day without each other.

i loved him...

::fuLLy bOOked

i am so busy. just went to grace's dad's funeral this morning. had lunch with julie and rhia and now after this im off to the gym. well have to go home first to fix my things. anyways, tomorrow i dont have anything to do so most likely i'll just bum around at home.

friday, i wont be able to go to my aero class coz i will meet up with ate shelyn and ate rizza and if luck will have it most likely with ate jen as well. just a simple dinner, so that we can catch up with each other. it's more than a year since i last saw these guyz and i darn want to see them again. sobrang miss ko na yung mga kwentuhan namin after every toastmasters' meeting. wala na nga daw nag renew ng club ngayon eh. anyways, i'll be emailing them so that we can finalize our dinner. sa makati na lang din para malapit sa kanilang lahat.

saturday, i'll meet up with my pre-com friends. well excited na ko kasi makikita na namin kung gano na ka-laki ang tummy ni cherry, 6 mos preggy na sya eh. =) kalain mo nga naman kung sino pa ung super nerdy nung college sha pa ang nauna. hehehe

sunday, solaris program party at platinum plaza in greenhills. its a swimming party. good luck magdadala talaga ko ng damit at josme sobrang basaan ito. sana lang pumunta din ung mga taga triage. para mas enjoy. =) kailangan ko palang dalhin ung clearance namin ni chiqui para naman mapirmahan na ni kat. kahit party naga-accomplish pa din ng clearance eh.

anyway, yesterday sobrang pagod talaga ko. imagine, umalis ako ng house ng before 7am to meet up with chiqui and auds and coo to accomplish our clearance. pagdating ko dun, kumain muna ko sa food court with auds. then i went back to citibank, good luck dahil madaling araw nandun na si coo. so ginising ko sya when i saw him at the longue so he can already start working on his clearance. chiqui and i went to princeton to accomplish our performance appraisal. auds came in and did the same thing. after nun, nag lunch kami sa crocodile grillery. dun lang din sa libis, with tl gae, yen and jegz. grabe lang nilibre na naman kami ni tl. kakahiya na tuloy. alam kasi siguro nya na broke na talaga kame.

after lunch, the 3 of us (coo went home already before lunch) went back to citibank. we waited for our exit interview with the employee relations manager. goodluck!!! antagal nya mag interview. almost 5pm na ko na-interview tapos halos 5:30 na nung natapos kami. after that we went to starbucks to chat. hehe sex and the city na naman ang set up namin. auds asked about "M", just told her that we talked again and that i still like him so much even if the last time i saw him was almost 2 years. enough about him, after that i went home na mga 7:30pm na un. dumating ako mga 9 tapos nag nurse pa ko kay smart - my dog. coz he had a fight with another dog. sobrang kawawa naman sya, i cant even put betadine on his wounds kasi nasasaktan sya. hay! basagulero kasi eh!

that's all for today folks, need to go coz i need to go to the gym. =)

::spiff

well finally nakuha na namin ang spiff namin. actually i was told that we wont be able to get it today. buti na lang nakuha ni tl gae ung spiff, hehe alam kasi nya na sobrang wala na kaming pera. exit interview ko din later. balak sana naming maglakad ng clearance, apparently may kabobohan ang ooic namin, yung paper lang ni auds ung pinirmahan! inis!!! 2loy ngayon, performance appraisal lang ang maa-accomplish namin ni chiqui, balik pa tuloy kami ni chiqui.

was able to talk to him again last night. =) it was around midnight when we started talking. wala lang.... =)

well i ought to go back to princeton to accomplish my p.a.

::gRRRR!!!!

kainis haba na ng tinayp ko!!! hmmppp.... maya na nga lang ulit sa office!!! gRRR tlaga!!!

::sAtuRdaY

haaay, sabado! im here at the office wala lang miss ko lang sila. last day ni chiqui!!! yehey!! sabi ko nga sa kanya kagabi thru text na sya naman ang mababato sa house. anyways, i'm going to bi?an later. then bukas uwi ako at maglalayas. i might just go to orient day to have a massage. di ko na nagamit ung card ko.

hay naku just when you thought ur day couldnt get any worse, meron at merong darating na bad news. just got a call from someone, inis!!! grrr!!! hay di ko na sabihin at hahaba lang. bottom line is, andali dali namang magtext eh. ngayon pa magka-cancel out! grrr!!!!

i guess this is my song for the day... no meaning whatsoever, just the fact that i feel totally unwell right now. darn it!!!

UNWELL

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

::tiRed

just finished yoga and aero class at the gym and was already on my way home when i passed by a pc rental. darn it! i just couldn't pass on it. have to blog. hehe ano geri adik ba? well anyways, had fun today at the gym. on my way there while i was fixing my things, i called the gym and was greeted by the ever-friendly receptionist - liezl. haha pinagalitan nga ako kasi tagal ko na daw di naggi-gym. kakatamad kasi eh. i remember after the first time i went there, sobrang sumakit katawan ko, eh taebo session pa un. then i wasn't able to attend the next session after that coz i had my monthly period, ayoko i-spell eh, baka magkamali ako, hehe pero un na un, sobrang sakit ng puson ko. hehe boba!!! anyways, un masaya, kapagod pero relaxing. hmm...lagay ko sana masarap eh pero since puro naman madumi isip ng mga taong nagbabasa nito yan mas wholesome ang word na ginamit ko.

kakainis sira pa din shoutbox ko. tong geri na to sarap mo tirisin ha. nabasa ko blog mo noh may paiyak iyak ka pang nalalaman! ay gulo talaga ng mundo. minsan senti, minsan pasaway, minsan masaya.

hay can you believe it sobrang malapit na naman ang ber months. hay kailangan ko ng mag start mamili ng mga panregalo sa mga inaanak ko na juice ko!!! dami!!! dami ko pa reregaluhang iba. haaayyy!!!

earlier this morning, i picked up my journal and started writing about hmmm.... things and may be people. when all of a sudden my dad came barging in my room and it not only broke my trail of thoughts but i was totally annoyed by the fact that he could've knocked on the door for crying out loud!!! i was so startled that i hid my journal under my pillow, but no use he saw it! duh!! dads!!! then as i was cooking up dinner before i went to the gym, i suddenly thought of moving to the second door of the apartment. but well that will take time. i will need to buy my appliances and furnitures and of course do some renovations to suit the place to my liking and style. =) i am seriously considering that. that's why i will start saving and that is serious!

nothing more to say. just want to share a song...you'll know who this song is all about.

Tattooed On My Mind

Maybe you'll soon
Forget about all
Or maybe you'll miss it like I do
But one thing's for sure
I'm all knocked out
I spend too much time thinking of you

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know you're the dangerous kind
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
'Cause I can't get you out of my dreams

I don't wanna write
I don't wanna call
I would not know what to say
It should be you
That's how I want it to be
Tell me you feel the same way

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know you're the dangerous kind
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
And I can't get you out of my dreams, oh

Oh yesterday
I was feeling safe
All I do today
is trying to be brave
And no melody can seem to soothe my mind
Now I curse you for being
So sweet and so kind

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know you're the dangerous kind
And your face is tattooed on my mind
'Cause I can't get you out of my dreams

Yes I know you're tattooed
On my mind you're tattooed

::haunting

his thoughts still find its way to haunt me. it's not that i am supposed to attach meaning to what happened, but somehow, when i am alone, thoughts of him would resurface and i end up imagining what it could've been if i am not attached at the time that we met... he is ubiquituous... when i am doing my artworks or just simply listening to the radio, i would remember his face and his scent. i wanted so much to hate myself for still holding on to his thoughts, man its been 2 years and yet i still find him totally unforgettable.

good grief!!! i just hope he is not reading this. i feel like i am totally baring my soul to a beautiful stranger. well just in case you are reading this, i am sorry. now you know everything. what happened may not have meaning to you, perhaps im just another f.b. (just virtual though) but it has meaning to me. i wanted so much to talk to you again, to hear your voice, much more to see you. but i am trying to hold back on it. why? i feel that it's not right. aside from the fact that you don't have any reaction after it. guess it's my sign.

well, right now, you remain for a beautiful stranger whose hazy image would find its way to me to just when i am already half a step to dreamland, and even there you haunt me, and still your image would wake me up from my tormented sleep.

::puShed

funny but i wont even give you guyz an idea why the hell i'm giving this day a title pushed. well, i feel more trapped. more afraid of my own feelings...

if you are reading this right now(i dont even know if i'll have the courage to give you my url), i'm sorry. i guess that's all i can say right now. but i wont forget you. not that easy, not just becoz of it, but because ur thoughts are haunting me way back when. and i am just so confused of what i want right now.

::cOnfuSed

last night....phone....M....not me....craziness....lies....sated....

can't forget....can't find words? don't want to find words? more like it....

utterly memorable....not me....

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

have 2 articles for you today.... may be you can dechiper the code...

THE ONE TRUE LOVE

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband(boyfriend at that), is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage(relationship) has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked.

"I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?

And finally he asked me: " What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind. Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"

He said: "I will give you your answer tomorrow...."

My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear,

"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.."

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the software programs and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help clip your nails, and help remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting...

and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rushed to pull open the door and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands the milk bottle and loaf of bread....

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship.

Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life...Love, not words win arguments...


The one that got away
Source: The Manila Times
By: Mark J. Macapagal


In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved...the one you're with...and the
one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards
just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with
the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work
because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.


So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and
you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three
kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.


If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're
mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about
him/her every so often, but it?¯s alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been", but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."

thats all for today....

::Rest fiNaLLy

i'm finally on leave!!! grabe lang sobrang tagal kong inasam asam ang araw na ito. well anyways, we (babe & i) met up with auds and chiqui this morning to submit our pre-employment requirements at the big "C". after that we went to glorietta to hang out at starbucks and to watch a movie - "Dumb and Dumberer".

hay wala na kong pera. just paid my bill for my credit card. tapos di pa kami makakakuha agad ng back pay with etel. sana lang di ba di sila kasing kupad ng pagong!!! anyways, i really dont have much to say naman. just wanna leave you guyz a beautiful poem that i got from my email. read on....

God Forgive Me When I Whine

Today upon a bus I saw a lovely maiden
with golden hair;
I envied her, she seemed so happy,
and Oh, I wished I were so fair...
When, suddenly, she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle...
She had one foot and wore a crutch,
but as she passed, a smile...

Oh, God forgive me when I whine...
I have two feet...
the world is mine.

And when I stopped to buy some sweets,
the lad who served me had such charm;
He seemed to radiate such good cheer,
his manner was so kind and warm...
I said, "It's nice to deal with you,
such courtesy I seldom find."
He turned and said, "Oh, thank you sir!"
and then I saw that he was blind.

Oh, God forgive me when I whine...
I have two eyes...
the world is mine.

Then, walking down the street
I saw a child with eyes of blue...
He stood and watched the others play;
it seemed he knew not what to do...
I stopped a moment, then I said,
"Why don't you join the others dear?"
He looked ahead without a word...
and then I knew he could not hear...

Oh, God forgive me when I whine...
I have two ears...
the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I'd go,
with eyes to see the sunset glow,
with ears to hear what I should know ...
I'm blessed indeed ...
The world is mine...

Oh, God forgive me when I whine...

~ Author Unknown ~


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when you sing the alphabet.... a,b,c,d,e.....i,j,k,l,M,n,o,p..... u'll soon come across the letter m....

*bOOgiE*bOOgiE*

hi there u must be wondering what the hell is boogie boogie? hehehe well he's the teddy bear from bear cuddler that babe gave me a couple of days ago...hmmm....i think that would be last wednesday morning that he dropped off boogieboogie to me. hehehe funny name huh? well it's after the giunea pig that he gave me when we were still in college.

boogie boogie is a small bear with two powder blue hearts hanging in his neck. the hearts have silver stars on it. it was perfect, babe was able to hit my most fave color combination. =) i remember when i got an email from him from our outlook. since his shift starts at 5am, and mine at 1:30am, by the time he logs in its almost time for my lunch. then i think he came in just in time to log in and he emailed me begging me to drop by his workstation before i go to lunch. i was curious so i emailed him back asking if there's something wrong, i was worried that he might not be feeling well, and then he emailed me in response saying "something right =)". apparently naiinip sya he came to my workstation holding this small paper bag and then briefly kissed me on the forehead and said "iloveyou". my teammates and supervisor were all teasing me. tl gae even said happy birthday. hehehehe

grabe lang super touched ako. di naman kasi sya ganyan. tapos hinarassed ko pa sya sabi ko he doesnt pamper me. kanina namang madaling araw nauna pa sya sa kin sa office. and he bought me chocolate cake from starbucks. slice lang ha di naman ako masiba! wala kasi syang cellphone nasira, so it will be at the service center for 2 weeks. wala syang alarm clock at di ko din sya matatawagan para gisingin (natural!). so he went to the office without sleep para diretso na. good thing off na nila tomorrow so that means makakapahinga sya later.

and you know what tomorrow (1:30am) which to me seems more right to term as "tonight" is my last day in the office. yup yup! goodbye solaris!!!! hehehe goodbye sales pitch and rebuttals!!! i'll be on terminal leave starting on tuesday until the effectivity of my resignation which is on july 25. so that means that i can already meet up with my friends and i can already clean my room and work on my pending projects, catch up on my reading and be serious about my diet. yahoooo!!!!

at malapit na din kaming mag 3 years!!! can u believe it tatagal pala kami ng ganito? hehehe kahit puro away. oh well i guess that's part of it although most of the time alam ko over akesh. hehehe. hay sige na tama na to. uwi na ko. dito kasi ko ngayon sa cubao sa compass internet. just finished my shift at since wala na kaming internet access - may firewall na bwiset!!! - eto ko ngayon sa internet cafe! sige babuch magwo-work out pa ko later eh. sana may effect di ba?!

::dEaD tiRed

i went to the gym last monday evening for my taebo session (with aero and yoga). josme!! hanggang ngayon sobrang sakit pa din ng katawan ko!!! hay 2 days na lang at makakapahinga na ko. i'm filing my terminal leave today, it will start next week until july 25, which is the effectivity date of my resignation. hay maglilinis ako ng mga sandamakmak na kalat ko sa bahay! kailangan i-extend ko ang budget ko at naku po, wala na kong sasahurin sa 07/15 dahil i-ho-hold nila.

reminds me kailangan ko na palang magbayad sa credit card ko at saka since july na kailangan ko na i-update ang template ng blog ko for the birthdays and some other stuffs.

hay im so burned out kaya kahit konting kung ano lang eh mainit na agad ang ulo ko. anyways, lapit na ko mag log-in kaya babatchi na ko.

huhuhu =( sira tag board ko.