::ChaRLie'S aNgeLs



watched charlie's angels movie yesterday. it was so damn good!!! hay sana lang mayron talaga nun, sasali talaga ko kahit lampa ko, para lang matuto kong sumapak ng mga super kinaiinisan ko. hehehe buti kong tanggapin ako ni charlie.

well anyways, i'm at the office right now not becoz i have a shift but becoz babe slept over at my place last night after we watched the movie and he has work today. and since chiqui, auds and i are going to have our medical exams already, we'll meet later to go there together. eh pag di pa ko sumabay kay babe, most likely male-late ako.

reminds me that i will have a long day again today. napapagod na ko pumasok. sobrang burned out na talaga ko! i badly needed a break. magpa-file na nga ko ng s.i.l. para starting next week naka-terminal leave na ko. actually binilang ko nga lahat ng sil ko at kung tutuusin pwedeng last day ko na nung saturday sa dami ng sil balance ko! imagine 19 pa balance ko! josme talagang pwedeng di na ko pumasok from tomorrow morning til the day my resignation is already effective.

not much is happening, just another fight with babe. hindi nya talaga ko maiintindihan. sometimes i'm thinking may be i'm missing the sign. may be there's really someone else for both of us. i hate to entertain those thoughts pero bakit lagi na lang kaming ganito. he can't seem to understand that sometimes it's not enough to say you love a girl, sometimes you need to show her she is special and well loved. i hate to go into details about this. anyway, i guess i just have to accept that he will never gonna be that way, not now, not tomorrow, not ever. so i have to teach myself not to expect to receive flowers or cards on special occasions. for him his presence is enough. i guess it will have to suffice.

we've already fixed things already. but i hope i can fully teach myself to stop expecting.

::fAtheR & DauGhTer taLk

talked to daddy yesterday when i got home. actually i went first to tita ne's house to tell them about what happened in the brgy the day before yesterday. it was almost 2pm when i went home and i asked daddy a lot of things. it was actually a long and a very enlightening talk that we've had. he told me everything that happened, all the visions and the revelations, the counterfeits, the deception of the church, and when the Lord revealed that it was time for the seven of them (him, kuya randy, elder manny, elder jose, lemuel, brother noel and roel - kuya randy's younger brother) to go out already. daddy said at that time, the holy spirit has already left the church. all the revelations coming from kuya randy and spm are all being countered by people in the church who are claiming that they are chosen to be prophets of the lord, apparently they are what the bible is saying the "false prophets". merry is a false prophet, she countered all the revelations of the lord through kuya randy and spm. likewise bishop also countered the revelation of kuya randy. when they wrote the letter stating that the 7 will no longer be allowed to attend the church, they knew ahead of time. aside from that, after they have signed the papers spm said that they should still acknowledge each other, say hi whenever they see each other, but afterwards, merry came up with this vision/revelation saying that they should not talk to the seven elders and that they should treat them as outcasts.

apparently, merry's being a prophet is very questionable coz when she fasted before, afterwards, she has been rebuked twice and one time, she had a very long scratch on her arm the other time, a snake came out of her.

likewise, they have been all deceived, i'm pertaining to the leaders. just like sayas, according to elder manny(who is really the God-annointed royal secretary but sayas robbed him of that title and claimed it was suppose to be him)he should not be a pastor, the real God annointed pastor is daddy. and for merry, who claims herself to be the next spm, its not her, the royal mouthpiece after spm is kuya randy and the next bride of jesus christ is daddy contrary to what elder rod has proclaimed according to him, the next bride is pastora.

a lot of things are bound to happen. daddy said that there is a lot of battle coz God is proving that we belong to the house of sons and they at the house of servants. they would be the modern day israel while we are the gentiles who would belong to the house of sons.

daddy also reminded me of my blessing at the time that i received my holy anointing. actually the only thing that i remembered is that when spm laid her hand on my head she said that i'm a true child of God. daddy said that aside from that i will be blessed seven times. now i understand why everything i do prospers. i am never in between jobs the longest time that i have been out of job is a 3 weeks. and about the ambiguous entry that i wrote, about the life changing decision that i've made is about me transferring to Convergys, apparently last saturday, when babe, auds, chiqui and tris got the call from them saying that they already have an orientation last monday 06/25, i didnt get the call. apparently they asked the company that was doing the recruiting for convergys why i'm not included they said that im not on the list and that convergys did a character investigation and that they found out something about me. it's either they found out that i only stayed with people support for only 2 mos contrary to what i put in my resume that i stayed there for 6 mos, or they found out that im awol at e-pldt. but then just the day before the orientation, auds got a call from the recruiting and said that convergys gave them a new list and im included. now, i know that God is on my side.

my talk with daddy, gave me a lot of things to think about. first would be my personal relationship with God and second with my dad. i seldom as in really seldom talk to my dad. but when i do, he never fails to amaze me with his wisdom and gentleness. i resolve to be more loving to my dad. aside from that it kinda pacified my emotions, my anger towards all the people that i hated. yesterday on my way home im thinking of all kinds of way to get back to those people even that bitch brgy captain. but now i know that its all happening for a reason.

going back to daddy, i remember a time when julie was doing a research on manila bank, the company daddy worked for before. she interviewed daddy over the phone and after their talk she told me that daddy is amazingly intelligent. i fondly remember her telling me "what's he doing there at home? he could've made it big out in the corporate world!" well i guess things really happen for a reason. now more than ever i regret having wished to be someone else's daughter.

::dangerously angry

i'm very very very angry!!! ayan tinatanong na ko ng katabi ko bakit daw (that would be pearly-yoga gurl). she's a wave mate with solaris. anyways, i believe ur wondering too how come i am angry!!!

grabe! sobrang tumaas ang presyon ko kagabi!!! Grrrr!!! nagharap-harap na kami sa baranggay (daddy, me and the church leaders - i'd think it would be more appropriate to call them the "church deceivers"). this is about the case with the lot. we are trying to revoke the deed of donation. sa madaling salita binabawi na namin ung lupa sa kanila. apparently ang binigay lang naman sa kanila ay ung lupa, at syempre di naman namin pwedeng i-donate ung isang bagay na di pa sa min, dahil nga wala pang titulo nun noh! mga bobo!!! ampootah!!! imagine, dati inex-communicate nila si daddy, nung kumalat ang tsismis na babawiin ni si daddy, pinabalik nila si daddy. at eto pa kung di ka ba naman mainis binaliktad pa nila lahat ng storya kagabi!!! Grrr!!! sabi nila dati daw sinasauli na nila un, nung una ngang na ex-communicate si daddy. ampootah!!! eh hindi naman nila sinauli un eh. kaya daw na-conceptualize ung "deed of donation" na sobrang pinanghahawakan nila. kasi naman kaya lang sumulat ang tatay kong tanga eh para i-clarify na di nya binabawi. at syempre nagpa-cute ang mga hayup pinabalik ang tatay ko! tapos nun after about a year, namulitika sila at pinalayas si daddy, kuya randy, elder manny, lemuel, roel, elder jose and brother noel. mamaya ko na kwento kung bakit.

what puzzles me is that how come they are holding on to it. bakit natatakot ba sila na wala ng tangang magbibigay sa kanila ng lupa? at wala ba silang tiwala sa diyos nila na mabibigyan sila ng bagong church? ampootah! eh sa totoo lang noh wala na talagang
tangang magbibigay sa kanila, kaya ganun na lang ang higpit ng hawak nila dun sa property na un! sabagay talagang dapat matakot sila. eh nung nagkasakit si sis lydia (spiritual prime minister) sabi ni mata(bishop-ampootah pinsan pa naman ng tatay ko to, buti na lang malayo na!!) "hindi mamatay si spm dahil pag namatay si spm hindi totoo ang diyos natin!" eh ano???! ampootah namatay!!!

at eto ang storya bakit nila pinaalis sila daddy. kasi last last year mga november nagka vision si elder manny. he went to spm's place at quezon city to reveal the vision. he brought along with him 10 pcs of flowers, dont know what kind. so when he arrived spm asked everyone in the house to leave coz its something private. the vision is that in 10 mos time, mamamatay na si spm. apparently sobrang secret un, at galit na galit sila na di nila nalaman. eh di nga sila god's will na makaalam eh. di ba nila naiintindihan un??? tapos march of last year, nagka vision si elder manny at si kuya randy, bible verse confirmation was given to daddy, this is about the wedding fo spm to god. it happened on the latter part of the month of march, medyo tapat sa birthday ni spm, at thanksgiving din nun ng church, apparently they (ung mga demonyo!!) were busy on the day to day worship so di sila nakasama sa wedding, it pricked their ego dahil leaders sila. hello eh ano ngayon??? eh kung di ba sila talaga dapat maka-witness nun eh.

tapos kagabi binaliktad pa nila ang sabi nila wala daw personalan, kung tinanggal daw nila sila daddy di daw personal un. hello??? eh nun pa lang alam na alam ko na na inggit na inggit na ung asshole na pastor nila kay kuya randy noh! bakit?? teka gusto kong i-bullet point eh...

*una- si kuya randy may gift of vision, sya wala! bata pa lang si kuya randy laging sa kanya na binibigay ung mga revelations for the church, sya kahit katitik na vision wala!
*pangalawa - si kuya randy, matalino, sya BOBO!!! magaling lang syang magsalita at mestiso pero sa totoo lang bobo sya. eh san lang ba sya galing sa letran, tapos sya mismo nagsasabi na laging 75% ang grade nya, at nung nakapagtrabaho sya eh isa lang syang teller sa psbank. amputah ni hindi nga sa bpi eh! at in fairness no, kahit tinuloy-tuloy pa nya ang pagta-trabaho nya eh wala syang mararating noh, di nya kayang pantayan ung narating ni kuya randy. si kuya randy engineer, at rags to riches ang story niya, sobrang hirap sila dati. pero nagsikap talaga sya at pinakasalan nya si ate amy sa coconut palace at lahat ng abay padamit nya lahat. currently, he has a company of his own, his own house and his cute little angels.
*strike 3 - asawa. si sayas walang asawa. kung di ba naman sya hunghang bakit sumumpa-sumpa sya sa harap ng congregation na di sya mag-aasawa dahil maglilingkod na lang daw sya. later on gusto na nyang bawiin ung vow nya dahil kesyo bata pa sya non! well sorri hinde!!! kung gusto nya pwede pero di na sya magiging pastor. eh syempre mayabang sya di sya payag dun. kaya patago na lang sila. ni elder vicky, sabi nga dati ni mery peralta nakita daw nya ung dalawa sa taas na naghahalikan! gud lak!!! so for short inggit sya kay kuya randy dahil si kuya randy pinayagan magpamilya, eh sya? forever syang walang paglabasan ng libog nya!!!
*pamilya- shempre wala syang asawa natural wala syang anak di ba?!

gago nga eh, wala daw personalan. josme eh sobrang hahaba lang ang usapan pag sinabi ko lahat yon eh. nandun pa ung mahaderang kapitana. bwiset borja ang apelido nya bwiset talaga lahat ng borja!!! o sige except si borj(nina). anyways thats another story. un nga di daw personal at dapat di na namin bawiin.

hello bahay kaya un noh! eh sila nga hindi kanila binabawi nila eh. yang lecheng si sayas na yan idol talaga si kuya randy, ampoocha eh pati i.d. lang ni kuya randy binabawi! text daw ng text tapos sabi magkita daw sila dun sa kanto namin, pumunta daw si kuya randy don at isauli ung i.d. ampootah noh! tarantado, eh kung di pala sila tanga eh un nga di naman kanila eh binabawi nila un pang bahay?!!! neknek nila noh!!!

at ang sabi ni mata di daw sila aalis dun, ang makakapagpaalis lang daw sa kanila dun eh ang diyos at ang batas. hehehe intayin nila ang subpoena nila!!! at in fairness, na-vision na ni elder manny na aabot nga sya sa korte pero MATATALO SILA!!!! MGA PUTANGINA NILA!!!!! MAGSAMA-SAMA SILANG LAHAT!!! PAK SHIT!!!!

::roller-coaster ride

its been quite some time since i last blogged, so many things are happening and i myself am surprised by the turn out of events.

just last weekend, i felt so down and thought that everything in my life has already gone berserk. dont get me wrong, babe and i did not get into a fight again, it is something more serious and would have a long term effect.

but all of a sudden, the wind changed its direction and everything else is just as i have envisioned it to be.

do i have regrets? no. but there's something that seems to be pulling me back. something that i still dont know.

hi i just found a really nice e-mail at my outlook sent to me by a former teammate from parlance who is also now with etel, but from a different program. she sent it to me at wala lang feel ko lang i-post at i-analyze. read on and have fun analyzing it yourself....=)

**naTuRaL hiGh**

~Falling in love.
oh well what can i say??? oo naman noh!! sobrang nakaka-high. =)

~Laughing so hard your face hurts.
waaaahhhh!!! oo sarap talaga toh! madalas mangyari to sa office pag si gummy shark creen ang pinag-uusapan namin!!! =P

~A hot shower.
hmmm....masarap sana yan pag nasa bath tub ka....hay sana may bath tub kami.

~No lines at the supermarket.
well...di ko masyado maka-relate di na ko lagi naggo-grocery eh.

~A special glance.
wala kong maisip na isulat for this eh.

~Getting mail.
gone are the days that i get mails...from friends...ngayon puro bills na lang!!! lech!!!

~Taking a drive on a pretty road.
lech wala naman akong ida-drive at di ko madunong mag-drive!

~Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
yikes!! reminds me antanda ko na at wala na kong alam ng mga bagong songs...kakahiya!!! di na ko nakakakinig ng radio. josme bago ko pa malaman ung mga songs luma na!

~Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
sobrang favorite ko to lalo na pag bagyo! grabe...bad ko nga eh gustong gusto ko bumabagyo...sympre except pag may pasok, panira un noh!

~Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
hmmm...can't relate eh, hehehe jologs!

~Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)
sarap!!! alala ko dati ung unang beses ko nakatikim ng milkshake sa mcdo, after a week phase out na! bwiset!!!

~A bubble bath.
hehehe wala nga kaming bath tub.

~Giggling.
=P shempre naman noh, lalo na ung sobrang sakit na ng tyan mo kakatawa.

~A good conversation.
hmmm...reminds me of our jeepney rides (with malou) when we were in first year high school.

~The beach
haaayyyy....olats wasn't able to go to the beach this summer!

Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
walang winter dito sa pinas eh. but it happens to me at times at nakakatuwa nga lalo na pag wala na kung pera.

~Laughing at yourself.
hay sobrang laging nangyayari to, as in! lalo na pag natatapilok akesh at nung nalaglag ako sa stairs ng commerce bldg.

~Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
hmmm....hay those were the days na sobrang crazy ako sa phone...telebabad queen akesh.

~Running through sprinklers.
no comment...di ko ginagawa to eh.

~Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
haaay buang eto.

~Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
ay pramiz!!!! alala ko nung sinabi ni jelenie na for her im the prettiest in our batch at infonxx. kasi daw kahit na di ko mag-ayos pretty pa din moi. hehehe hoy ha hindi obit si jelenie may papa nga sya. at di pa kami friends nun noh! naging close lang kami after nya sabihin sa kin yon. hehehe

~Laughing at an inside joke.
gusto ko to pag naiintindihan ko pero pag ako ung nasa "outside" yoko.

~Friends.
oo naman! di buh gewi??? =)

~Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you
oo naman noh!

~Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
pramiz! lalo na kapag ung kala mo kinabukasan ka na nagising. sarap non.

~Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
yikes kahiya ung first kiss ko eh, sloppy tsaka di ko marunong. hehehe =P

~Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
but of course! lalo na when you meet new friends like my teammates (auds, chiqs, twees and jan) and if you meet up with old friends from high school and college, very therapeutic!...di buh gewi? =P

~Playing with a new puppy.
haaayyy miss ko tuloy ung isa ko pang dog is wise. kaya lang patay na sya.

-~Having someone play with your hair.
ay baby ko to!

~Sweet dreams.
i remember the time that i dreamt about my future baby. *dreamy eyes*

~Hot chocolate.
but of course!

~Road trips with friends.
reminds me of subic hehehe okay sana kung wala si vanessa!

~Swinging on swings.
hay dati pa to nung kinder ako at lalo na ung mga summers ko at vista verde.

~Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
huh! naalala ko tuloy ung pumunta kami dati ni ex-bestfriend harbie sa saisaki, there's this really cute crew that keeps on smiling at us. kadiri no kumbaga sa mga guyz, atchay killer. hehehe

~Making chocolate chip cookies.
ngaeks di ko marunong magbake eh.

~Having your friends send you home-made cookies.
wala din akong friend na marunong magbake eh. well si twees ung mommy nya. grabe basta mom ni twees nagluto to die for talaga!!!

~Holding hands with someone you care about.
oo lalo na pag first time, josme parang holding hands pa lang solve na!

~Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
hay naku oo sobra! makes me wonder kung ano kaya madi-discover ko pag nakita ko ulit si ruth!

~Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
hmmm...wala kong maisip for this eh.

~Watching the sunrise.
hay sobrang tamad ko bumangon para manood ng sunrise sunset na lang siguro.

~Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
hmmm.....

~Knowing that somebody misses you.
ay pramiz! lalo na nung di pa kami ng baby ko when he went out of town and called me on his cell, and actually raised money to be able to buy a cell before going on that trip. =)

~Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
but of course, whether it be from my baby or my friends.

~Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
uhmmm....

::paranoid

waaaahhh!!! i haven't got a call from the big "C"!!!! babe, chiqui and auds got the call already yesterday morning, about the orientation. >_<' huhuhuhu..... good thing may kasama kong di pa din natatawagan at ang shock of your life is kung sino pa ang taong un! guess who! si Tweestan!!! josme kung sino pa ung surefire na nalilipat dun at kung sino pa ang nagrecruit sa ming lahat. waaaaaahhhh!!!!

hay bwiset dami na namang calls forever!!!! at wala pa ang audrey!!! half day daw sha kasi masakit balakang. hmmm...at bakit naman kaya???

haaayyy, magwa-1 week na pala mula ng nagpa relax akesh ng hair. hehehe....wala lang inatake lang ako ng ka-alembongan. =P pero in fairness ha maganda sya, aba at dapat lang at naka P700 din ako noh!!! well make that P760 dahil P60 ang conditioner. hay next project naman ang magpaputi! hay ang mahal naman magpaganda!!!!

hay ayoko na atang mag auto-in... kainish!!! dami kols at differed na naman ang lunch namin. gutom na nga ako eh. hay pero sige na nga di ko talaga ma-take ung sinabi ni mader nung isang araw. tinanong ba naman kung jontis akesh!!! waaah!!! na-windang daw ang beauty ko, sobrang bothered ako nag-enroll ako sa gym!!! hehehehe start ako next week. landicious noh?!!! hehehehe

hay di pa din kami makapag lunch. bwiset!!! sige na nga post ko na to, di din naman ako maka type ng maayos at wala din ako ganong sasabihin. sige babuch. =)

::coffee+yosi=girlfriends bonding

yesterday, auds and i went to starbucks right after the shift. it's just the 2 of us coz chiqui doesn't feel like it, tinatamad daw sya. anyways, we stayed there until almost noon just chatting and sharing our angst, frustrations, dreams and hang-ups. can you believe it, she actually believe it? i thought she's so secured with herself even if she's fat. she doesn't seem to be conscious about it nor does she seem bothered by it. but hey, after all she's human too.

well its been a long time since i had a really close girlfriend. i have been too traumatized with what happened before with ex-bestfriend. so now, i've learned to stay away. yes we'd be friends and we laugh about things, we bond but i'm actually not attached. dunno if you get what im saying, nevertheless the point is i will never again let a friend be as close to me as i've been close before with harbie.

and speaking of harbie, i actually texted her earlier. another can you believe it happening for yesterday! yup i did, this may come as a shock to all of you, since i am very vocal about my hatred for her. but i did text her, she did not text back so she probably has my new number. well for geri i know she is very much excited to know what i typed in the message. geri if you're reading my blog right now, i think masasapak mo na ko dahil binibitin kita =P. okay so here goes, this is what i texted her.

"At times i find myself missing you, but then again, when i try to
re-think my thoughts, i guess i just miss having someone like you."

well, may be i miss her so to speak. to think that i actually pressed the send button after composing the message. i actually surprised myself with that act. hehehe pathetic, pero shempre sarcastic pa din. lord, high, almighty me!!!

::barely breathing

coz i am barely breathing...doomed for another day....hay naku yan ang theme song ng lahat ng tao ngayon dito!!!! grabe lang sobrang dami ng calls!!! Grrrr!!!!

anyways, excited na ko umalis ditech!!! waaahhh!!! ano ba yan wala man lang akong malagay dito na maganda. sige na nga hanap muna ko. =)

::ecstatic

when you're down, there's no other way to go but up...the ebb and flow of tide.

babe and i have already talked things out. i no longer feel like in a limbo.

love is not based on feelings but on the will.

i will not go into details as to how we reconciled, and the talks as i do not have much time. just tell you about what transpired during the weekend.

saturday - we went to starbucks after the post shift meeting (that would be a different story on its own) stayed there to help calm down and console some people (january and en-en), we also waited for sashki and babe. after that we went to podium where we (babe, auds, chiqui, january, jegz, en-en and sashki) pigged out again. babe, auds and i left the place by 4:30pm while the others opted to say and drink. we have to leave early coz auds' brother has a debut party to attend and she has to drive him to the hotel. auds dropped us off at c-5. babe went to glorietta to buy tape for his gameboy advance and i went to mommy's place to give her her money "intrega" in colloquial term.

sunday, babe and i went to the parlor i had my hair relaxed and after that we had an argument. long story, but i did something that i really regret. cut short - fixed. then we went to robinson's place to buy his boom box - really nice! its a cd/casette player good for the outdoors.

yesterday, got a text from ward howell - i'm definitely hired by the big "C". yes!!! and not only that, babe as well!!!! =) as well as auds, chiqui and twees! yehey!!!!

its tristan's birthday today!!! happy birthday twees!!!

whew! so many things i wanna say and write down but not so much time. 4 mins to go before log in. inis. sige na nga next time na lang.

::reconciliation

he came here before my one hour break. he bought me stuffs - 2 sweat shirts from converse. really nice. he said hindi daw peace offering, he just felt like buying it for me. but i guess he cant blame me for thinking that way considering the fact that i almost always only receive things from him after a fight. anyway, i'd like to think that what he said is true anyway he said he has the money, coz he got his regularization bonus, he actually got 15k. o wag nyo holdapin ang baby ko ha! anyway, okay na kami. dont worry gewi oks na kami. sana lang wag na maulit yon kasi di naman ganun ang idea ko of passing the time eh.

for some other news, bad news at that, bad trip talaga dito sa office. they asked us if we wanted to stay at the program or be transferred coz ang concern nila is that if we are going to resign, they would rather transfer us to another program than let us stay and then later on we will resign anyway. better give way to other csas who are sure to stay, that's their rationale. so we voted ourselves out, but no, they are not letting us go! they contradict themselves!!! grrrr.....and you know yesterday out of 70 sales 23 of it came from our team - 6 csas -->tapos walang spiff!!!! okay lang sana kung sabihin nila sa min na walang budget mas katanggaptanggap but no ang reason nila kung bakit walang spiff is that puro team namin lang daw namin ang humahakot ng spiff eh di ba un nga ang rationale ng spiff??? to reward top performers of the program!!! ano to give chance to others??? totally abominable!!! grrrr.....

hay maga-unwind kami later! basta for me team triton rules!!!

::more sad news

how come nothing seems to go right as of late? whew! well, guess what? just talked to tl gae and was told that the program will ramp down again. and we are being asked if we are going to stay or if we want to move. honestly, ayoko na naman malipat eh. kaya lang sila auds lilipat. not that im basing my decisions on theirs pero kung sa kin lang talaga kung alam ko lang kung pasado na ko sa kabila eh no questions asked na noh! lipat na talaga agad. kaso gamble nga talaga.

whew! sana lang talaga makasama ko sa top 120 list.

::sad news

earlier i recieved a text message coming from Loraine, she's one of my bestfriends in high school actually 2 lang naman sila eh, ung isa ex-bestfriend na eh. she said she is not doing good coz she and her long time boyfriend - Howell (actually they're going to be 6 years steady sa aug 20 sana) had a break up. i feel for her, although i know its wrong to say that coz i can never truly put my place in her shoes. but it happened to me before and i know damn well that it hurts. especially in her case that she spent almost 1/4 of her life with that person.

i haven't got the chance to talk to her due to my odd hours of work. but i will.

no further explanation as to how i feel, coz i cant find the words to go into details as to how i feel.

*****it's tl gae's birthday today*****

::apology

he just called me some 2 hours ago, to say he's on his way home and that he's sorry. i said sorry as well. actually i told auds about it, not to have someone to take my side but merely to help me analyze if i have a point in getting angry. turns out auds finally knew why i am like this towards coocoo. i told her about the blackrain email addy. now she got the point why i'm always suspicious. not that im proud to have someone take my side, just relieved that i am normal and not too possessive or paranoid or well dudera for lack of a better term.

i am just taken aback how yesterday afternoon. i actually didn't cry, although i felt bad about it. but what shocked me most is when i erased his number on my phone as well as all his pictures. honestly, i did. it surprised me so much.

now, after hearing his apologies, i could say that i've already forgiven him, but i still don't feel like before. i don't know if it would be proper to say that something has changed, but for sure it doesn't feel like before. i hope things would be better. anyway, i'm still in it.

::worried

pasado na sila auds sa big "C". silang 3 nila twees and chiqui. hay sana lang kami din. natatakot ako. pero well, bakit nga ba kung di ako pwede dun di hindi.

hindi ko alam kung kami pa ni coocoo. had another fight today. i had to admit that i am mostly at fault. i opened his email again. i just found something totally ridiculous. i confronted him about it pero laru-laro lang daw un. ewan ko. i feel that i have enough reasons to feel bad about it.

i guess i'll never really measure up, or be good enough for him, or for anybody for that matter. may be the glass is really half empty, not half full. kahit anong gawin kong pagpapaganda at pag-aayos wala pa din.

siguro nga mali ako. in the first place his defense is that i never should've opened up his email. what i dont know wont hurt me. but anyway, what's done is done. i'm still upset about it. we had a fight on the phone kanina while he's at the office. katabi pa nga nya si kermitt. ayoko ng i-detail yung fight namin at yung cause basta ngayon di ko alam kung ano kami. all i know is that i have a right to feel this way, but i also admit that i am wrong.

he texted me just before i logged in. he just told me that he is at timog and that he doesn't have a battery and that he hopes that i am fine. didn't text back, in fact i've already erased his name on my phone as well as all his pictures. dunno what made me do that, pero kanina basta ang alam ko lang galit ako at di ko na-iyak.

i did something to get even. just tried to get in touch with someone from my past. and i actually found myself excited to get a reply from him. bad kung bad pero i feel that i have to do something to retaliate. hindi kasi nya ko lagi naiintindihan dahil wala laging counterpart ung mga tao sa buhay nya na kinaiinisan ko. i know what i did is darn childish but at this point, i actually don't care!

::popular

hehehe i feel so popular di ko alam kung pano ko hahatiin yung katawan ko. sa saturday nag-aaya ang mga utahpeeps na maglunch out at magre-resign na si sunshine sa parlance, tapos nag-aaya naman si rhia dog na magkitakita kami, pucha gastos na naman to, at of course pagod pati! anyways ung sa psfriends peeps eh oks na yun pupunta talaga ko dun at susme! once in a blue blue moon lang kami magkitakita ng mga lukaret na yon. about the utah plans hmmmm....ewan tignan. although nagconfirm na ko.

haaay, salamat naman at may spiffs na kami. grabe iba talaga pag may perang involved, kahapon naka 4 sales ako, P300/sale waaah P1,200 din un at non-taxable! =) pambayad din ng credit card yon! hay kainish makikiraan lang.

hay bibili nga pala ko ng washing machine sa sabado, ay naku 2 araw na naman itong walang tulugan! di bale baka sakaling makatulong na makapagpapayat sa kin. hehehehe

o sya sige walang magandang ma-post ngayon eh.

----after a couple of hours-----

found another quiz from quizilla.com, just to something to do during boring hours....read on

wHat sOrt of RomAtic aRe yOu?


What Sort of Romantic Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

you tell me if it's true.....

honestly di ko ma-isip kung totoo eh.

anyway, i'm not very happy today. di naman sa tinatamad akesh. medyo sad lang eh. siguro about what happened yesterday. yoko na sabihin kung bakit. sige un lang wala namang kung anong magandang masusulat eh.

::burned out

i so badly need a break, but i'm actually reserving my service incentive leaves for our 3rd yr anniv.

hay yun lang wala kong masulat eh. sige babush!

::sleepy head

again, again, again....ina-antok na naman akesh. haaay kundi ko tinatamad inaantok naman ako tuwing magba-blog akesh. wala namang maisip sabihin noh! eto last 9 minutes na lang ng 1 hour break ko.

salamat naman at off na ko bukas noh! hay im soooo excited. hmmm....sama kaya ko kina auds later sa temple??? teka lang isipin ko muna. kaya lang wala na kong pera eh. bahala na nga.

sige wala namang mga sense ang mga pinagsususulat ko eh. tsaka inuulit ko inaantok ako!!! zzzzz.....zzzzzz......zzzzzz.....

::goodbyes

this is the last day for most of the peeps in solaris. we currently have 82 csas for the program but the client decided to ramp down and drop it down to 37. most of the lower batch will be transferred to another program. and in fact there were 2 team leads who will be transferred as well.

sobrang sad talaga. daming emails about goodbyes...hay ganyan talaga ang life. sana lang maging maganda ang kalabasan ng pag move na to for those who will be transferred. i will certainly miss some peeps...even those from the lower waves. hay ang sad talaga. un lang. nasa-sad talaga ko. =(

::extremely sleepy

really dont have much to say right now. just want to post a really really nice article that was forwarded to me via e-mail. here goes....

there are several kinds of love... pero tama si manag whitney (at si
tatang george before her)... learning to love yourself is the
greatest love of all.

sometimes, because we have experienced painful betrayal, heartless
rejection, or illusory intimacy, we start thinking of ourselves as
less than who we actually are... because we believed in this people
and valued who they are as well as what they think, we start
measuring ourselves up against their own standards... their rejection
becomes our self-rejection, their betrayal becomes our self-betrayal,
and their illusions become our reality... we then start seeing what
used to be our strengths as our weaknesses instead... so, we see the
world through the blur of bitter tears and the darkness outside gets
mirrored by a darkness within...

it does not have to be that way. it does not have to STAY that way.

you cannot give what you do not have. if you cannot show compassion
to yourself, how can you show compassion to others? if you can't
accept yourself, forgive yourself, love yourself, how can you love
another?

a very good friend once said to me many years ago: "if you love, and
your love was true, but it does not work out, it doesn't mean your
love was wrong, or your heart, a fool... you just happened to love
someone who couldn't see or didn't want what you had to offer... the
love was right, the object of the love may not have been."

a true friend is someone who says "you're ok!" and means it from the
bottom of his heart...

believe.

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::sleepy

i'm soooo sleeeeepy....zzzzz.....zzzzz.....

hay naku noh if you're wondering why i don't have an entry yesterday that's becoz i'm absent yesterday. hehehe inaatake na naman ako ng katamaran. dami ko kweto pero malapit na kami magstart ng shift namin eh kaya mamaya na lang.

basta ang importanteng news is that i ate my words regarding the new call center thingie. hay bahala na pag natanggap eh di go pag 'di eh di stay. un lang un. sige later na lang pag sinipag akong magblog.

hAppY 34th mOnthSaRy bAby!!!